almost everyday

i wanna write you a story, write you my skeptics not expecting true believers, write my heart out and put my crushed notes and doddles up. i wanna write a novel, no, i wanna write a biography. who cares. i never got about doing it. im quite certain it would be an eye opener but…. we’ll see. i mean, which other 20yr old female roam the streets and converse with strangers. set the pace for curious teens and leave elderly’s mind with a question mark. singapore as  see it, is a chip off a huge cookie in my eye. someday i’ll discover the rest of the cookie and know every single ingredient that makes of it and create my own creme centre to satisfy this thirst for loving. I found a new family. one which encourages me and supports my choices in life, one which shares a common understanding that despite our differences, we’re all happier people in general when we’ve got a family to love and care for. one which won’t bring me down, or pull me back from reaching the goals  i set myself. my greatest fear is failing myself, the myself here however is an alter ego bitch mother of all expectations and pride ridden selfish endeavor major loser who freaks if shes humbled. i hate this whole new persona that subconscious brought forth. however i am real, i am in control, all i have to do is get a grip and alter egos’ just another agent in a cpu game to balance out the system, aim, fire, dead. in other words, non existential. in other words, my greatest fear is having n o fear. its not a good thing if u’ve figured thus far, it makes one bitter and lonesome after time. no ones here to rescue. 

so i met a boy, is this my new idea of love? a jacket which keeps me warm, never talk to the boy again caz the rest of the time i ache and dream bout another? to hold the sweet memory of being held, naive cuddling and innocent pecks etch them deep in my head, so that whenever i start to turn cold, i’ll have these gifts of adoration to warm me up again, to slowly erase the odd voids of suction that stalks my darkness and pains my marrow? i dont have, ive yet to find out. so the other boy who didnt believe in love walked away. it made me sad. it made me jaded, it made me mad. and i feel bad. hinders the process of finding faih in everything good . thus i concluded, i will meet the boy i met, i will return him his gift of comfort, i will keep nothng that reminds me of him, and i shall go back to reality that im in and look for other issues to brainstorm on. society, lust, rage, money, power, empty streets in the city by night, crimes, illegal underground trades, mudayne life of peasants, foreigners living in, learning like me, generating points of views with a broadened perspective than locals, systems, ive seen it all.. like last night, i could have written a short story of 5 chapters on 5 diff issues in one single night. with background stories and history to solidify my assumptions after doing some research. hahaha life is a huge playground. im bringing my time to the wild. ive chosen my day career. as for the night, i’ll never let it fly by without passion and curiosity